what i hear that can’t be said

I work in Iraq in an office where I am a minority. There are two dominicans, two indians, a hungarion, and two bosnians.  I am the only American in the this office, the only one that speaks only my native toungue and no additional languages (though i am re-learning spanish that i learned in highschool).  And this is an american military instillation…..go figure.   But i really do enjoy working in here and feeling this sense of culture, though the lack of Europeans using A/C is rather annoying! But that is a blog for another time and day. 

Today the hungarian girls friend walked in and told me in his country (they all say ‘my country’ or ‘my island’) March 8th is national ‘Womans Day’ and wish all the woman in the office a happy ‘womans day’.  Then the bosnian guy says its an international holiday.  Why have  i never heard of this, or received a flower or card?  Humph!………………

Oh no biggie.  All the chicks out there keep Rockin HARD!  Take it to the edge, don’t look back and just jump

I just realized a few days ago when I was e-mailing a friend that I have less then two weeks before flying home.  I have been in Iraq for 2 years this April and have gone home twice. Made exotic adventures through Asia, Australia and the UK.  But you always have to return to your roots to find your path.  Man it will be nice to get out of here and eat real food and be around real people that aren’t out to cut your throat or stab you in the back.  Its crazy how a village like life we have here can turn people into their hidden demons.  I hope I haven’t or don’t get to that point and keep my self as real and as grounded as possible.

But this flight will be nothing like all those in the past because I will be experiencing it Business Class BABY!!!  Oh YEAH!!!! Land in Austin and eat Chuys with sister and mom.  I can’t hardly wait.  Now that I know how many days I am counting them and that makes them so much longer.  I am probable gonna gain 10 pounds just from the food I want to consume.   Now I wish I were home now.  This sucks!  Aaaaaaaaaah Oh well I guess I can tough it out.

Here are a few poems or short writings i wrote with someone in mind.  He is so special to me and right now he is away.  These are just words that fall out of my head and put into place so that its easier for me to wait for him to be back.

Don’t have to convince my self too believe in loving you, I just do with out doubt, with out fear, with my whole heart.  See it in my eyes, feel it in my touch, the promise of you is all I need.  The truth in what it is, fearless it swirls around me and embraces me when your not here, but i still feel you always.

To find my uforia I look no further then you.  you are everything I could have thought I needed to bring my life fullcircle.  You are perfect in your tathered state of human nautre.  Scars that run deep but mold you to who you are.  You carry an exterior everyone else sees but inside I find you. I can hear, see, and feel what no one else will get the chance to.  Everything I feel is enternal endlessly.  I never want to be without you because you give me light and strength, and without you there is nothing.

Lost in distance, when reaching out, nothing can be touched.  Fill the void, close these gaps, Time don’t be my enemy and tick faster, sunset faster and sunrise quicker.  And while all that is going on make it tomorrow and this day over.  Moments are dull now and brown.  No colors around me, only haze hanging over.  Bring back what I need and fill this empty spot that is cold.  No materilas, just emotion and reality. Give me warmth.

I know the first title is really much to be seen, so let me start out by saying this.  I am not a good speller, gramatical errors will happen and i just want to write what i hear in my head that i can’t always say out loud.  There is a lot.  I was blogging on myspace but that is now a thing of the past for reasons I will get into shortly.

I am in Iraq.  A civilain contract worker with the military.  I have been here 1 month shy of two years. My sister was here as well but is back home now back in school.  Dad is here and July will be the end of his two years and he will most likely be going home then.  Me I have no idea when i will leave this place.  I have come to find great friends that are now family to me here and they will be hard to leave.  I have found a life on my own out here as weird as that is to say but its true.  I have traveled the world and lived experiences i never dreamed of.  This is only the beginning of something i have no idea is to come.

So myspace.  Yes that was something that became rather a crutch for me to pour my head out into and the corperate pirates of the company i work for too it away.  Not myspac specifically but the link to the unfiltered world.  I cry myself to sleep over it. (not really but it sounded good)

So to come i will find my blogs from there and put them on here as time goes on.  Poems, thoughts, daily event, and such but the recipies I will leave to my sister.